Why Do Narcissists Want to Know All About You

Concluding Updated on February 16, 2022 by

How does a Narcissist react when they can't command you anymore? One of the major components of narcissism is gaining command over others.

This blazon of behavior is often a reaction to a childhood completely dominated by a narcissistic parent (or parents)- controlled in all aspects of his young life and not allowed to develop command over his own life.

And so, why exercise narcissists need control? What happens if they lose control? And how exercise narcissists manipulate others to regain their sense of power?

• Narcissists need control considering it protects their identities and delicate egos. Underneath their conceited energy, they have very depression self-esteem.

• Narcissists manipulate others because they rely on these tactics to gaslight, guilt, or shame people into doing what they want.

• Knowing what narcissists exercise to their victims tin can aid yous feel more educated in your relationship. Otherwise, you will likely continue feeling confused, angry, ashamed, or alone.

• Sometimes, narcissistic manipulation can be very subtle. Egotistic manipulation tactics may include putting y'all downward, encouraging y'all to second-guess yourself, or withholding intimacy.

• A manipulative narcissist often knows exactly what they're doing! It'southward a misconception that they aren't aware of their own toxic behavior.

• Learning how to take command away from the narcissist often includes a mix of rigid boundaries OR going no-contact birthday.

How Does a Narcissist Control Yous? 12 Tactics

Narcissist control tactics can range from extremely dangerous behaviors to very subtle, unnoticeable gestures. A narcissist'due south hot and common cold games often experience confusing and frustrating to loved ones. You never know what mood they're going to exist in. You never know if yous're on their good side or bad side.

Knowing how narcissists dispense people is important for recognizing the potential ruby flags in your relationship. Here are some alarm signs.

i. Love-Bombing You lot

Nobody understands me like you do!

We accept a connexion unlike anything else.

You're the greatest person I've e'er met- I love you so much.

Narcissists love-bomb their partners to brand them feel special and adored. This isn't simply the normal excitement of inbound a new relationship. Information technology's a consuming whirlwind where the narcissist floods you with attention to make y'all feel like y'all have the near magical relationship in the earth.

Reading Proffer: Can a Narcissist autumn in love?

ii. Making Yous Depend On Them

Many narcissists are incredibly intelligent and charming. They may make statements like,

I don't want you to feel like you accept to work! I don't want yous to worry well-nigh your money- I'm managing everything. Don't worry about the right house- I'g going to have care of everything.

At first, you may feel smitten past their generous offers to assist yous. Only be careful. These efforts are advisedly crafted. The narcissist wants you to experience like you don't have other options.

three. Isolating You From Others

Your mother doesn't have your all-time intentions at heart!

Why are you notwithstanding friends with her? She always makes you feel bad nigh yourself.

Your boss is such a wiggle. You deserve better.

Practice these comments sound familiar? From a compassionate friend, they might be coming from a genuine place of business. But from a narcissist, they represent tiny fractures designed to make you 2nd-gauge the relationships you share with others.

Reading Suggestion: How to Make a Narcissist Come Crawling Back?

Narcissists don't desire you lot receiving outside influence- specially if it clashes with their opinions. They will try to go far the middle of your relationships if they suspect someone else might affect your behavior.

4. Literally Controlling Your Decisions

Who do narcissists target when they desire to be in relationships? Commonly, they discover people-pleasing types who don't want to deal with excessive conflict or distress.

Now recollect about it. Does the narcissist track how yous eat, spend money, or heighten your kids? Practise they spotter your every move and offer unsolicited feedback and what you should be doing better?

Reading Proffer: The Narcissist and Money Control

Most narcissists agree farthermost opinions almost what they practice or don't recall is permissible. And if you act against their wishes, there will exist serious consequences.

5. Responding Passive-Aggressively

How practise narcissists manipulate when their tendencies are more than vulnerable or covert? The manipulative narcissist tends to rely on passive aggression to make others feel ashamed or dislocated.

Practise whatever y'all want! I don't intendance.

I'g not angry. Why would yous think I'g angry?

It doesn't matter what we have for dinner this night. I take no opinion.

You lot know what passive-aggression feels like. Information technology feels like, no matter what y'all decide, you made the wrong choice. Even if they explicitly tell you that they don't intendance or don't mind, you know they do. And you know they will employ it confronting you.

6. Throwing Extreme Tantrums

What happens when you don't let them control you? You lot already know the answer! You tin can expect their massive tantrums and emotional outbursts!

Yous probably try to tiptoe around the narcissist to salvage yourself the drama. You lot don't want to cause whatsoever problems, after all. Y'all don't want to make things worse.

Reading Proffer: How Dating a Narcissist Changes You lot

And so, narcissists "use" the threatening nature of explosive tantrums as a mode to scare you. They know you don't want to deal with their inevitable backlash, which results in you acting in ways that conform their needs.

7. Changing Tactics Quickly

The narcissist'south hot and cold games can bulldoze anyone crazy. One moment, they're telling yous how much they love y'all. The side by side, they're calling you selfish and crazy.

What happened here? Did you lot do something seriously wrong, or are they only overreacting?

As it turns out, narcissists relish remaining somewhat mysterious and unpredictable. If you know exactly how they're going to respond, they lose valuable momentum.

So, don't be likewise surprised if the narcissist rotates between different behaviors (or even seems to change personality traits). Information technology's all part of the con. They desire to continue you guessing and on your toes. They don't want you to know what lies ahead.

eight. Making Y'all Experience Distressing For Them

Does the narcissist in your life have a perfect sob story? A shameful trauma? A terrible story about how their ex treated them? A saga that could brand anyone weep?

Narcissists love attending, even when it's negative, and so they will oft endeavor to gain compassion from others by dramatizing parts of their pasts. Some of these claims may be complete lies. Others volition be embellished truths.

Reading Suggestion: Practice Narcissists feel Guilt?

But the motive here is simple: they want you to experience bad for them. They desire you to excuse their terrible behavior because they hope that you lot volition believe, deep downwardly, they are only a misunderstood person who needs love and blessing.

9. Finding Out Everything Nearly You

This often happens during the dear-bombing phase. The narcissist is enamored with you. They want to know every concluding thing.

And you may willingly oblige. It can feel then freeing to finally be vulnerable with someone else. For the first time, you might feel genuinely rubber with some other person.

Unfortunately, narcissists will use your honest disclosures confronting you. Their motives aren't kind-hearted. They want to discover your weaknesses and flaws so they can use them against you lot afterwards.

10. Feigning Other Crises

At start, this control tactic may seem and then confusing that you don't even realize it's intentional.

This strategy usually plays out in the post-obit style: Y'all start calling the narcissist out on their problematic behavior. Maybe you're completely calm and even-keeled when you do it, but you take the show needed to substantiate your claim.

How does the narcissist respond? They don't! They start talking nearly something horrific or foreign or completely tragic that but happened. They want to hear more than, just their mom is in the hospital! They understand where yous are coming from, only they demand to rush their canis familiaris to the emergency vet! They want to talk near this further, only they need to bargain with their flat tire first!

Of course, some of these crises may be casual. But if it's a repeated pattern, it'southward just another sneaky class of manipulation.

11. Needing Constant Approval

The narcissist constantly feels petrified that you will leave them at whatsoever given moment. Remember that abandonment represents the ultimate form of rejection. And yet, they fear it above annihilation else.

Narcissists often put loved ones through vigorous "loyalty tests" to affirm their delivery to the relationship. These tests may consist of repeatedly request yous if you lot yet love them. But they can exist far more destructive, similar checking on your whereabouts but to brand sure you lot aren't with someone else.

Reading Proposition: How to brand a Narcissist Miserable?

Needing constant approval becomes a form of control considering you get-go feeling guilty when you do anything for yourself. You dubiety your motives and become paranoid that you're doing something wrong- even when you know you're not.

12. Pretending to Change

This can be i of the most devastating forms of narcissistic command. Some narcissists will brand great efforts to pretend to change to get their loved ones off their backs.

I know you continue talking near marriage. You're right- permit'due south do something about information technology this night.

I'thou fix to have a baby.

I actually understand that yous want to motion. Let's get-go looking at houses tomorrow.

With these statements, the narcissist appears to exist making a genuine try to improve themselves. They also seem to intendance deeply most the relationship.

But what ends up happening every bit a upshot? You know the answer! They don't stick to their give-and-take. They merely "change" until they know you're sticking with them. And so it's right back to business organization as usual.

Even if they make those serious commitments (union, infant, a new home), that doesn't hateful their personality volition change! Worse, you may at present be even more than trapped.

Why Are Narcissists So Decision-making?

Narcissistic people meet other people in their environment as extensions of themselves. They are the middle of the world, and they ofttimes consider themselves idols who others should admire and admire.

In their distorted minds, this rationalization makes information technology seemingly acceptable for them to control and abuse others. They also consider themselves experts on how people should behave. Therefore, they see it as their moral duty to command people to act in ways they see fit.

Abandonment

The fear of abandonment is the heart of well-nigh every type of controlling behavior. If y'all don't immediately hold to the narcissist's demands, they become threatening, coercive, and manipulative. Abandonment is the ultimate egotistic injury, and they volition do whatever they can to avert this pain.

Reading Suggestion: How exercise Narcissists feel when you lot motility on?

The connection between narcissism and command is strong. It's 1 of the principal symptoms mental health professionals employ when diagnosing narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

Entitlement

Narcissists have an extraordinary need to command others to maintain their own self-epitome. Later on, they besides devalue people as a manner to enhance their feelings about themselves.

Narcissists likewise believe they deserve special recognition for their superior talents, intelligence, or personality. They feel this gives them the inherent right to exploit others.

In relationships, narcissists experience entitled to their partners wholeheartedly. They don't take genuine empathy, and they will not respect someone else's autonomy or boundaries. They frequently become jealous, possessive, or ambitious to exert control.

Are Narcissists Control Freaks?

Aye, the narcissistic control freak stereotype is completely true.

About narcissists rely on control tactics to get what they desire. They don't value someone else'south autonomy. They don't care most what yous think is all-time. One time they assume they know how something should work, they brand that their core mission.

Narcissists ofttimes try to control every person or situation that matters to them. Even if they pretend to be "casual" or "unfazed" by what happens, this is usually an deed. They are only trying to give an impression that they tin can be amusing and flexible.

7 Things to Await When The Narcissist Loses Control

When a narcissist loses command, expect the backlash! They're going to be unhinged and volatile. Only despite their seemingly crazy behaviors, you will probably be able to recognize some common patterns.

1. Narcissistic Rage

If yous think you've seen your narcissistic partner angry, well, hell hath no fury like narcissistic rage! Yous will witness their wrath in a way you lot've never experienced before, and allow me warn you that it will scare you. The narcissist is terrified of who they really are, as they spend an excessive corporeality of fourth dimension and free energy protecting themselves from their own reality.

Narcissistic rage is fueled by the idea of them being exposed as simulated and weak. They have convinced themselves that they are a perfect man with no flaws. To acknowledge that this is far from the truth is their worst fright.

Equally you will have experienced, narcissists are uncommonly calculating, and every action is meticulously assessed earlier it is carried out. Nevertheless, when narcissistic rage takes over, they become impulsive. They are no longer concerned about the potential consequences.

How egotistic rage is expressed is dependent upon the individual. Nevertheless, the deeper the narcissistic injury, the more astringent the reaction. Virtually reactions will be verbal, but some narcissists may physically harm others during this state. Here is what narcissistic rage typically looks like:

• Ambitious Outbursts: An ambitious outburst can take the grade of intimidation, overtalking their victim, yelling, threats of impairment, throwing objects, and exact abuse.

• Violent Outbursts: Violence typically takes place when narcissistic rage gets to an uncontrollable level, and they feel they have no other outlet aside from concrete force. The violence is either towards their victim or themselves.

• Passive Aggressive Behavior: This is a more subtle class of rage, but it is equally as damaging. Passive assailment can involve methods like withdrawing or engaging in silent handling. In addition, it can include behaviors like gaslighting, highlighting someone else's failures, procrastinating on important tasks, guilt-tripping, or like-minded to practise something and then refusing to exercise information technology later on.

• Suppressive behavior: This blazon of behavior entails playing the victim. For case, the narcissist acts as if something is incorrect to get attention. In a similar vein, they might also downplay certain bug or withhold vital information from loved ones.

two. Smear Campaigns

The narcissist must protect their reputation at all costs. When they tin can't command someone, their worst fright is that person has uncovered their true character. Equipped with what they think they know, the narcissist volition become into cocky-defense mode and run around spreading damaging rumors.

They will contact everyone you lot know through social media, text messages and email telling them how evil, manipulative and calumniating you are. They may go equally far as contacting your dominate or colleagues to impact your piece of work reputation.

Reading Proffer: How to deal with the Narcissist Smear Entrada?

If they exercise something harmful to you, they will twist the state of affairs to say you practise it to them. Their main intention is to "become to you first." If they suspect yous are going to talk poorly virtually them (or fifty-fifty expose them for their truth), they volition practise whatever it takes to spoil your proper noun first.

3. Practice a Disappearing Deed

Egotistic supply is like a drug to the narcissist. If they can't get it from y'all, they will get it from someone else. When they have pulled every play a joke on in the book, and they still tin can't control you, expect your narcissistic partner to pull a disappearing act on you.

They might disappear in hopes of getting your attending, so yous beg them to come up dorsum. You can tell this is their motive if they keep popping in and out. You may even hear that they're asking most y'all to mutual friends.

Some narcissists will disappear for real in search of a new supply. In this instance, you volition probably never see them again. The narcissist will do everything they can to rid themselves of your life, including blocking you lot on all social media platforms, changing their telephone number, and fifty-fifty irresolute locations.

4. The Narcissist Will Stalk You

Some narcissists merely decline to have no for an respond. They will ignore your feelings and deed as if they don't be. The narcissist will strength their volition onto you, which sometimes involves stalking. You may not even be trying to escape from your egotistic partner- y'all may have chosen to shut them out of a sure area of your life.

For example, let's say they embarrass you lot at a company political party. As a issue, you avoid inviting them to the next event. You don't want to deal with the public humiliation again.

Reading Suggestion: 15 Hoovering Tactics Narcissists Use

Just let's say the narcissist finds out. You tell him you're going to have dinner with your mother that night, and judge who shows up to the tabular array?

5. The Narcissist Volition Subject You to Public Humiliation

How does a narcissist answer to rejection? The first affair you need to know is that they will never tell you they feel rejected.

Instead, they volition likely scheme how to make a consummate fool out of you in public. Whether it'southward an outright rejection or a perceived rejection, the narcissist will become quietly threatening and demeaning, and every human activity of wickedness will exist done with a smile on their confront.

Your partner volition have a deep desire to punish y'all for what you have done. The slightest disagreement or constructive criticism will atomic number 82 to an all-out cold war, and you lot won't fifty-fifty know it'due south happening until yous are slapped in the face with information technology. Here is what to expect if you are ever subjected to public humiliation by a narcissist:

Exposing Nude Pictures

Depending on the extent of the Narcissistic injury and how desperately the narcissist wants to shame y'all, they will "accidentally on purpose" send 1 of your nude pictures to a family fellow member.

Or, if they desire to be actually vicious, they will post the picture online. Then, to ensure that you lot know, the narcissist will tell y'all exactly what they've done, but pretend equally if it was a dreadful mistake.

Using Your 'Friends' to Humiliate Y'all

Flight monkeys are people who assist narcissists in their smear and shaming campaigns. If you ever experience this, don't have it personally. Think, narcissists are master manipulators, and they are capable of getting anyone to do anything.

If you accept been a victim of narcissistic abuse, you know how easy it is to fall for their charm. Using your friends or people y'all know to humiliate you might go something like this:

Let's say, one dark, yous just aren't in the mood for sex. You're polite but business firm with your boyfriend about it. Not tonight, infant. I've got a terrible headache. The narcissist may present as supportive and understanding, but he will also interpret your refusal equally the highest class of rejection. As a outcome, he may spend the rest of the night trying to discover the real reason why you said no.

Since many narcissists suffer from farthermost feet (coupled with grandiose imaginations), they often brand upwardly various scenarios and believe them to be real. So, after denying your partner sex, he might conclude that yous slept with your dominate. In that location'southward no other caption as to why you wouldn't exist in the mood!

To prevent this from happening once more, the narcissist might manipulate your coworkers into spreading a rumor that you lot take a sexually transmitted disease. But, even if this is far from the truth- and even if you've never entertained the idea of sleeping with your dominate- your office reputation has now been destroyed.

half-dozen. Lie, Lie, Deny

What happens when a narcissist is exposed? A narcissist will never admit they are in the wrong no matter how much evidence is stacked confronting them. Even if yous have photographic or video proof- or fifty-fifty if y'all caught your partner red-handed, they will lie and then hard that you will convince yourself that you've got it incorrect.

Reading Suggestion: Why Practise Narcissists Lie?

Despite the vindictive nature of narcissists, information technology's piece of cake to compare them to children. They tell the same shameless lies. For example, a two-year-old will look y'all in the heart with chocolate around his mouth and tell you he hasn't eaten the chocolate that was on the counter.

Narcissists tell the same type of lies. But when they are establish out, they are not going to cry, cower in shame, or suddenly become enlightened about their wrongdoing. Instead, they will gaslight you, equally this is their commencement line of defense and the narcissist'due south specialty.

7. The Narcissist Volition Bait You lot

When you stop showing the narcissist emotion (whether it'due south positive or negative), they will bait you to get a rise out of you. This intentional act of provoking an emotional reaction is their way of confirming ability or superiority.

During the baiting process, the narcissist removes their mask and gets actually ugly. They are feigning a sense of profound vulnerability. They want you to call back they are a good person who truly loves you but has temporarily lost their senses.

They volition trigger you lot intentionally to have a negative reaction. It is too important to annotation that there are levels to baiting. The first level starts with beloved bombing y'all at the same time equally devaluing yous.

How to Take Control Away From a Narcissist?

Narcissists desire all the command. Simply they can simply receive as much every bit you are willing to give them. And so, y'all have more power than you may fifty-fifty recognize in stopping obnoxious behavior.

Ignore Them

Information technology may sound shockingly simple, but it'due south the one strategy that tends to irritate a narcissist like nada else. Narcissists hate being ignored- they lose their audience, their control, and their illusion of a limitless platform.

And so, don't comment on any of their beliefs. End trying to fight dorsum. Avoid picking fights. In other words, remove yourself from the drama.

Reading Suggestion: How to first Ignoring a Narcissist?

Even if information technology'southward tempting to give them a sure piece of your heed, attempt to resist the temptation. Many narcissists love a proficient fight, and egging them on only maintains more issues.

Practice Grey-Rocking

If you can't completely ignore the narcissist, consider the gray-rock arroyo. This is an approach that focuses on acting as bored and disinterested as possible.

Permit's say they share a wild story about how their brother is trying to steal from them. You know the narcissist'southward brother- he'south a nice guy, and you have meaning reason to dubiety that any of these claims are truthful.

Instead of arguing dorsum (or even trying to defend the brother), you might answer with, "Hmm. That's something." Or, you might simply nod and say, "Oh, I see."

With this approach, yous want to avoid showing any emotion or using any emotionally-charged linguistic communication. In other words, y'all're basically acting like you have no thoughts or feelings most the state of affairs.

Maintain Your Ain Identity

Stay continued with your friends and family. Regularly engage with your usual interests and passions.

This contained sense of self will enrage the narcissist considering it causes them to lose command. Merely more importantly, prioritizing yourself allows you lot to focus on having a meaningful, fulfilling life. This ensures that nobody has the power to control yous!

Go No-Contact

What are your motives for staying in the human relationship? At this signal, are y'all choosing to stay and disregard malicious behavior?

If the answer is yes, it'southward time to seriously reconsider your priorities. Why are y'all continuing to let someone harm you? Why are you wasting so much energy trying to set up or change a problematic dynamic?

Ending the relationship may feel painful, only staying in this toxic pattern will probably cause you even more impairment.

Reading Suggestion: How Do Narcissists stop Relationships?

How to Command a Narcissist?

Knowing how to command a narcissist comes down to knowing what y'all are willing to tolerate in the relationship. They cannot control y'all if you don't listen. They also cannot control you lot if you choose to stay independent and seek ongoing support from others.

Simply how practice y'all command them? You don't. At least, it shouldn't be your main focus.

Even though they may spend months or years controlling your every movement, information technology isn't helpful to effort to seek the same revenge. Yous'll only feel more exhausted, and they accept the upper hand in manipulating others. In some ways, they might even be inviting y'all to try to play their sick game.

Ultimately, controlling a narcissist means opting out of the game birthday. Instead of playing past their crazy rules, yous cull to avoid them entirely. You choose to play a different game- the one that healthy, loving, safe people are playing.

FAQ

Here are some commonly asked questions people accept about narcissists and their strange behavior.

Who Practice Narcissists Target?

Narcissists can target anyone, and so don't blame yourself if yous fell prey to their awful, predatory beliefs. You're only human, and information technology's easy to get trapped in a moment of weakness.

That said, they may exist more likely to target compassionate, empathic people who take by experiences with abuse? Why? They may believe that you lot'll be more likely to "understand" their behavior. Post-obit this train of thought, they are hopeful that you lot will subsequently alibi or rationalize how they human action in the relationship.

Narcissists may also target people who:

• Just got out of relationships.
• Struggle with compulsive issues like drugs or alcohol.
• Identify every bit empaths.
• Accept histories of narcissistic abuse.

Remember that they are banking on finding people who volition "cosign" their personalities. They don't want someone who volition constantly question, fight, or disregard their tactics.

What Do Narcissists Practise To Their Victims?

As mentioned, narcissists aim to exert ability and command over their victims. They want the relationship to go their way. Therefore, they use other people to meet their own needs, even if those needs are erratic or inappropriate.

Reading Proposition: What is Narcissistic Abuse?

Narcissists believe they are entitled to whatever they want. So, they will care for their victims however they come across fit. Depending on the context, the abuse tin range from mild annoyances to severe breaches of trust and prophylactic.

How Long Can a Narcissist Become Without Supply?

It depends! You may be surprised to discover that catastrophe a relationship with a narcissist doesn't ever consequence in an extreme reaction.

That's considering many narcissists have dissimilar types of supplies. They don't want to continue all their eggs in one basket considering they know what'due south at stake if something happens.

This explains why then many narcissists are serial cheaters. They don't commit to anyone considering they don't want to invest all their time or free energy into merely 1 person. Instead, they keep their options open- just in case the correct opportunity presents itself.

Recollect that a narcissist volition protect their supply at all costs. If they experience similar they're losing you, they'll either double downward on their efforts to lure you back in. Or, they'll move on to whatever they perceive equally the newest, shiniest object.

What Eventually Happens to Narcissists?

Unfortunately, narcissists rarely change their beliefs. Instead, they bounce around from job to chore, relationship to relationship, drama to drama.

They continue creating chaos wherever they go, even if they change their melody as the years keep.

Instead of abode on what happens to them, the best thing you tin can do is focus on yourself. Once the manipulative narcissist can't command you anymore, you take true freedom to motion frontwards.

Final Thoughts

If a narcissist can't control you anymore, they will oft make significant efforts to restore their sense of ability. Knowing these tactics in advance can set you for what lies alee.

Merely remember that y'all can decide what you do (or don't) entertain. Y'all are not obligated to maintain a human relationship with the narcissist. Subsequently, you don't owe it to them to enable their awful beliefs!

pillasadall95.blogspot.com

Source: https://thenarcissisticlife.com/the-narcissist-out-of-control/

Share this post